Keigo is my Enemy
Everyday Together · Level A2
"Conners-san, can you come here for a minute?" Mr. Sato asked.
Takumi put his finger into his collar and stood up. He swallowed and went to the boss's desk at the front. A meeting with the boss at the end of the day was never good. His co-workers quickly looked back at their desks, pretending they couldn't hear this.
"Yes, sir. What is it?" Takumi asked.
Mr. Sato gave Takumi a folder. "The CEO, Mr. Hayabashi, is coming here next week for a presentation. I'd like you to lead it," he said.
Takumi heard Shun gasp.
"Me!" Takumi said, licking his lips. "Are you sure it's a good idea?"
"Of course," said Mr. Sato. "Your Japanese has improved a lot in the last year, and I think you're ready."
"Okay, boss-sama," Takumi said.
Mr. Sato laughed. "Don't call me that. It's too polite," he said.
Takumi turned red and nodded. He went back to his desk.
"At least he didn't call the director 'buddy' again," Takumi heard Shun whisper to Nozomi at the next desk. They were all connected, so it was easy. She laughed.
"Oh, man," Takumi said in English and took out his phone. "I need help."
✦
"So let me get this straight," said Daichi. "You have to give a report in front of the CEO, and you're afraid of messing everything up."
"That's right," said Takumi. "The CEO has a reputation for politeness. There is a rumour that he fired a person last year for using casual words in a presentation."
"I'm sure it's not true," said Kaoru.
Yui put three cups of coffee down on the table. She looked back at the counter. Mrs. Takeda was busy with a customer. "Did you practice your keigo?" she asked.
"Of course I did," said Takumi. "However, I still call my boss by the wrong name sometimes."
Yui smiled. "So do I," she said and winked. "Mrs. Takeda's pretty relaxed, though. I'll help you out after my shift," she said and went back to the counter.
"I'll help you out now," said Daichi. "Pretend I'm your boss."
"Okay," said Takumi, sitting up straighter.
"How would you talk to me?" Daichi asked.
Takumi sat up straight and bowed to Daichi. "Good afternoon, sir, and I humbly welcome you to listen to my presentation," he said.
Daichi nodded. "Continue," he said.
Kaoru tried to hide a smile and hid her face behind a napkin.
"At the end of my report, I humbly request that you ask any questions that you may have," Takumi said. He leaned back and sighed. "How's that?"
Daichi tapped his chin. "I have no idea. I hate keigo and never use it."
Takumi threw a napkin at him. "You're no help," he said.
"Take a deep breath and ignore the peanut gallery," said Kaoru, looking at Daichi. "What do you mean by humbly?" she asked Takumi.
"Humble? It means that I am happy that the CEO is here listening to my speech," said Takumi.
"Yes, but it is too polite," said Kaoru. "The only people who speak like that are samurai in the old period dramas," she said.
Takumi turned red.
"You were watching some of them, weren't you?" Kaoru asked.
"Yes," said Takumi. "They were interesting."
Kaoru shook her head. "Give your whole presentation. I want to hear it."
Takumi pulled out his notes and took a deep breath. "It's about five minutes long. Is that okay?" he asked.
"Don't worry about it," said Kaoru.
Takumi read from his notes. When he finished, he leaned back and sighed.
Daichi yawned.
"It was pretty good. I could understand your data. However, you were stopping every few sentences to think of the right word. It made your presentation hard to follow," said Kaoru.
"I'm okay with the data," said Takumi. "It's the discussions and questions that I'm worried about."
"If this were in English, what would you do?" asked Kaoru.
"That's easy," said Takumi. "Polite English is simple compared to keigo." He pulled out a notebook. It said 'Keigo' on the cover. He opened it to a page covered in notes. "What if I use something like 'gozonji desu ka' when I want to say 'goran ni narimasu'?"
"Well, the first one means 'to know' and the second one means 'to look at'," said Kaoru.
"I know that, but I keep mixing them up with my boss. "I can't do that during the presentation," said Takumi.
"You could write them down on your hand?" said Daichi. "Or just call everybody, sama. It's really polite."
Kaoru patted Daichi's knee. "You're not helping, Dai-chan," she said.
"Hey," Daichi said, looking hurt.
"You know it's true," said Kaoru.
"Fair enough. I'll go and talk with Yui," Daichi said, standing up. He went over to the counter and started talking with Yui and Mrs. Takeda.
Kaoru looked at Takumi. "You helped me with my English presentation last year, remember?"
Takumi nodded. "You sounded flat, and the sentences were really dry," said Takumi. His eyes went wide. "Did I sound the same way?"
Kaoru nodded. She smiled. "Practice will help you improve," she said. "And don't listen to Daichi. When is the CEO coming?" she asked.
"Next week," said Takumi. "I still need to add some survey data to the presentation. The questionnaire went out today."
"Then you have time. Yui and I will help. Get your co-workers to help you, too," she said. "Your boss wants you to give a good presentation. He won't throw you under the bus."
"I hope not," said Takumi, closing his book. "But I don't know about Shun. I think he hates me."
"How do you know?" asked Kaoru.
"I don't," said Takumi. "It's just a feeling. He's always making fun of me."
"Talk to him," said Kaoru. "I don't think he hates you. Japanese people are often too polite. It can seem strange to outsiders."
"I'll try," said Takumi.
✦
Takumi put down his presentation paper and looked at Mr. Sato. "How was that, boss?"
Mr. Sato was silent. He tapped his pencil on the desk. "Your presentation was good, Connors-san, but it was too casual in places. You need to use a little more formal language."
Takumi bit his lip. "What can I do?" he asked.
"Have you given your speech to Fujii-san?" Mr. Sato asked.
"Shun? No, not yet," said Takumi.
"Ask him for help," said Mr. Sato. "He's given several presentations and knows the right language to use."
Takumi bowed. "Thank you, sir. I promise to do my utmost."
Mr. Sato smiled. "Best. Utmost is too formal," he said.
"Please forgive me, sir," Takumi said.
Mr. Sato nodded.
Takumi turned around and went back to his desk.
Shun was working on his project.
"Excuse me, Fujii-san," Takumi said.
"Yes, Conners-san?" Shun said without looking up from his screen.
"Can you listen to my speech? I need to make it less casual," said Takumi.
Shun leaned back in his chair. "I listened to the speech you gave the director, and I agree with him. It's too casual," he said. "The best thing you can do is use the politest words you know."
"Really?" said Takumi. "I won't sound too strange?"
"No," said Shun. "I heard the CEO doesn't like it when people use the wrong words. The politest words are the best."
"Thanks, Shun," Takumi said. "That's a big help."
"No problem," said Shun.
Mr. Sato's phone rang. He picked it up and stood. He said, 'Yes,' several times and bowed to the phone.
"What's going on?" Takumi asked Shun.
Shun shook his head.
Mr. Sato put his phone down and looked at Takumi. "Conners-san, your presentation has been changed. The CEO is coming tomorrow."
✦
"So, that's my problem," Takumi said to Yui. "They even moved up the meeting. I won't even have all the information until next week."
They were standing outside the convenience store, near Daichi and Kaoru's building.
Takumi gave her a bag of onigiri. "Sorry, I called you after work, but I have only one day to practice my speech, and I'm not ready. I'm dreading getting questions I can't answer."
"Let's hear what you got," said Yui, opening the bag.
Takumi gave his speech. Daichi and Kaoru arrived at the convenience store in the middle of Takumi's speech but said nothing. When he finished, Kaoru looked at Yui.
"What do you think?" Kaoru asked.
"He sounded like a dictionary," said Yui.
"But such a handsome dictionary," said Daichi.
Takumi cracked his knuckles.
Daichi stepped back and put up his hands. "Just kidding," he said.
"Yesterday's speech was better," said Kaoru. "Did you get Chappy to change it?" she asked.
"Yes. My boss said I was too casual," said Takumi. "My co-worker, Shun, suggested that I should use the politest words I know. AI was the easiest way I knew how to do that, quickly."
"It's a good assistant," said Kaoru. "But it doesn't sound like you."
"What am I going to do?" said Takumi. "I have to give the presentation tomorrow, and I'm messing up all of my words." He leaned against the convenience store wall and took out his keigo notebook.
Yui squatted next to Takumi and took an onigiri from her bag. "Why were you chosen to give the presentation?" she asked, unwrapping the onigiri.
"Because I know the material very well," said Takumi.
"Use that," said Yui. "Like Daichi, I'm not good with keigo. That's Ka-chan's strength."
"That's true," said Kaoru.
"I know baking," said Yui. "When you are making a delicious batch of cookies, you have to follow the recipe in the beginning, but it's boring. So, you practice, and you get better. Finally, you can ignore the recipe and make your own kind of cookies."
Takumi scratched his head.
Yui sighed. "Do you like my cookies?" she asked.
"Of course I do," said Takumi.
"Do you know why they are so delicious?" asked Yui.
Takumi thought for a moment.
"Because you put a lot of chocolate in them," said Daichi suddenly. He squatted next to Yui.
Yui pushed Daichi over.
"No, because they are mine. I follow the recipe, but add my own taste to them," said Yui. "You can study the recipe every day, but trusting yourself is always the best choice."
"I'm going to call you Yui-Mama," said Kaoru, smiling.
Yui puffed out her cheeks.
Kaoru smiled and turned to Takumi. "I think I get it," she said. "You can study keigo every day and stress over your decisions. That's what I do," she said.
"But you love stress," said Daichi.
Kaoru shook her head. "Mistakes will still happen. Relax. Take a deep breath. Trust the data and do your best."
"What happens if I accidentally call the CEO something insulting?" asked Takumi. "He has a bad reputation."
"You can come work for me," said Daichi, sitting back up. "I need a good code checker."
Takumi pushed him over the other way.
"Your Japanese is good, Ta-kun," said Yui. "Trust yourself."
"Yes," said Kaoru. "Your speech yesterday was good. Use that one and trust the data."
"Are you sure?" Takumi asked.
"Yes," Yui and Kaoru said together.
Daichi stood up and brushed off his pants. "If that doesn't work, just say 'o' or 'go' in front of every word," he said.
Takumi cracked his knuckles again.
✦
Takumi walked into the meeting room and hid a yawn.
"What's wrong, Conners-san?" asked Mr. Sato.
"Sorry, sir. I didn't sleep very well," said Takumi, taking a sip of coffee. "I was reviewing my keigo." He held up a notebook. "I think I'll be okay."
"That's good," said Mr. Sato. "Good luck with the presentation."
Takumi nodded and put his notebook and coffee on his desk.
Shun was sitting next to Takumi. He stretched and hit the desk, knocking over Takumi's cup. Coffee spilled over the connected desks.
"Oh no! I'm so sorry, Conners-san," said Shun, picking up the cup. "I'll clean it up. Is your notebook okay?"
Takumi bit his lip and shook his head. "No. It's covered in coffee. I can't use this in the meeting," he said.
"Is it important?" asked Shun, getting some towels.
Takumi took a deep breath. "I guess not. I'm baking without a recipe now," he said.
"Huh?" said Shun.
"Nothing. Let me help you clean it up," said Takumi.
✦
Mr. Hayabashi, the CEO, was an older man. He arrived after lunch in a perfect suit and styled hair. Takumi stood and bowed with the rest of the office.
"This is Conners-san," said Mr. Sato. "He'll be giving the presentation."
"I look forward to hearing it," said Mr. Hayabashi.
"Thank you, sir," Takumi said, bowing deeply.
When the CEO left, Takumi straightened.
Shun moved closer to him. "Your bow was too low," he said. "Next time, only bend like this." He held his arm at a forty-five-degree angle.
"Ah, man," Takumi said quietly.
✦
"Any questions?" asked Takumi. The air conditioner was on, but sweat rolled down his back. He grabbed the back of his chair to support himself.
"Your presentation was good. However, could you tell me what you are going to do about the missing customer responses, Conners-san?" asked Mr. Hayabashi. "They weren't in your report."
Takumi swallowed. He hadn't practiced this part. "The customer responses are great, Mr. Hayabashi. The product is selling like hot cakes," he said.
"Explain what you mean by 'hot cakes'. Why wasn't that in the presentation?" Mr. Hayabashi said, leaning back in his chair.
Takumi bit his tongue. Why did I say 'hot cakes'? Shun was covering a smile.
"Well, Hayashi-san-sama," Takumi said.
Shun's smile grew bigger. Mr. Sato raised an eyebrow.
Takumi closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Trust the data.
"Sorry, sir. Keigo is difficult," Takumi said. "The customer responses will be available next week. We sent out a survey three days ago by e-mail, but it's not due back until next week."
"Why is that?" asked Mr. Hayabashi.
Takumi took another deep breath. "Because the meeting was changed suddenly, we don't have the responses right now."
Shun's eyes went as big as coffee cups, and he looked at the CEO.
Takumi moved through the slides until he found the right one. "As you can see, I included a temporary report showing what we have received until all of the surveys come back," he said.
Mr. Hayabashi looked at his report. "That's good. I expect an update when everything is ready."
"Of course, Hayabashi-sama," Takumi said. His face went even redder. Why did I say that?
Mr. Hayabashi stood up and walked past Takumi. "Relax, son. The rumours are not true. I won't fire you for making a mistake with your speech," he said,
"You won't?" said Takumi.
"I was young once. I made many mistakes when I first started," said Mr. Hayabashi. "And you are from America. They don't have keigo there. It must be even harder for you."
Takumi nodded, but said nothing.
"Keep up the good work, and I expect the completed numbers next week," said Mr. Hayabashi.
"Of course," said Takumi, taking Mr. Hayabashi's hand and shaking it.
The CEO drew back, surprised. He smiled and shook Takumi's hand.
Mr. Sato stood up and crossed his arms in an X
Shun shook his head. "I don't believe that happened," he said. "I thought the CEO would get really angry."
Takumi smiled.
✦
"So, everything worked out?" asked Kaoru.
Takumi nodded.
Yui set three cups of coffee on the table. "I'm glad to hear that," she said.
Daichi took a cup. "So, you are a keigo master now?" he asked.
"No, but I followed Yui's advice and was myself," said Takumi. "I'm still going to practice keigo, but I'm not going to stress about it anymore."
"That's good," said Yui. "You should always follow my advice."
"Yes, Kaoru is the one who loves stress," said Daichi.
Kaoru threw her towel at Daichi.
Takumi laughed and drank his coffee.